Interview by a Vampire

I have to be honest. I did not watch the Sarah Palin interview when it aired. I had planned to view it online when I had some free time. Then, on Sunday, the unthinkable happened. My power, along with 799,999 other Cincinnatians (give or take a Cincinnatian or two...love that word), went out, reminding me how spoiled we all are. Seriously, miss one hot shower and a shave and it's as if my world is ending. At any rate, I decided to take advantage of my beautiful (and electric filled as of 6:00 am) day off and try to catch up. During the course of my search for the Palin interview, I found some interesting descriptions. I heard everything from "Gibson's gotcha interview" and "Gibson ambushed Palin" to "Gibson's failed interview." The final description had me worried. How does one fail in giving an interview. I imagined it would go something like this:


GIBSON: Governor Palin, you are the Governor of Alaska.

PALIN: Charlie, I am, Charlie.

GIBSON: Many have said that Alaska is a state; with some specifically stating that Alaska is the 49th state. Alaska is cold sometimes.

PALIN: Charlie, that is correct. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

GIBSON: I love pancakes.

I knew that I had to see this interview. But, was simply watching the interview enough? I decided that it was not. That's why I triple researched (or tri-searched). Not only did I view the interview in its entirety, I also read the transcript. Finally, I had my wife and son act out the interview. No small feat, seeing as how my son is not quite 13 months old. I chose my son to play Palin because, much like the governor, he did not know what the Bush Doctrine was. Also, I was afraid that if I chose a woman to play Palin, I would come off as being sexist. Incidentally, if I ever decide to re-enact an Obama interview, I will most likely cast Ed McMahon as Obama.

After doing all of these things, and then discussing my reaction with a non-partisan panel of political scientists (all in the last two and a half hours), I have to say that "gotcha" is the correct term for the interview. Can you believe that Charlie Gibson actually questioned Governor Palin? Even worse than that, he actually expected answers. This liberal media is out of control. Take, for example, this exchange (this one is real):

GIBSON: What insight into Russian actions, particularly in the last couple of weeks, does the proximity of the state give you?

PALIN: They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.

As if that answer were not sufficient enough, the smug Gibson continued to ambush the Governor.

GIBSON: What insight does that give you into what they're doing in Georgia?

PALIN: Well, I'm giving you that perspective of how small our world is and how important it is that we work with our allies to keep good relation with all of these countries, especially Russia. We will not repeat a Cold War. We must have good relationship with our allies, pressuring, also, helping us to remind Russia that it's in their benefit, also, a mutually beneficial relationship for us all to be getting along.

Indeed, Governor Palin. It's a small world after all.

On top of that gotcha technique, Charlie Gibson actually stooped so low as to ask Palin to clarify a statement that she was videotaped making.

GIBSON: You said recently, in your old church, "Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God." Are we fighting a holy war?

PALIN: You know, I don't know if that was my exact quote.

GIBSON: Exact words.

PALIN: But the reference there is a repeat of Abraham Lincoln's words when he said -- first, he suggested never presume to know what God's will is, and I would never presume to know God's will or to speak God's words.

But what Abraham Lincoln had said, and that's a repeat in my comments, was let us not pray that God is on our side in a war or any other time, but let us pray that we are on God's side.

Gibson's next question was horrible. Simply horrible.

GIBSON: I take your point about Lincoln's words, but you went on and said, "There is a plan and it is God's plan."

Come on, Charlie. Rule number 1 for any good interviewer is, if the interviewee dodges a question, you simply move on. Unless you're sexist. Is that it Charlie? Are you sexist? How dare you throw question after question after question at Governor Palin? If I were interviewing her, I would ask different questions.

1) Governor Palin, how big was the biggest moose you've ever killed?

2) Is lipstick the only difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?

3) If you were a tree, what kind would you be?

4) Why do liberals hate you? Is it because you're a woman? Is it because you love Jesus?

5) (As a follow up to number 4) What are your five favorite things about Jesus? Why would Jesus vote for you?

6) If you had five more kids, what would you name them?

Perhaps Gibson should learn from Bill O'Reilly, who asked Barack Obama nothing but easy questions. Also, Gibson made the mistake of letting Palin talk too much. O'Reilly did not (and seldom, if ever) makes that mistake. See, rule number 2 for a good interview is, if the interviewee talks too much, he/she may dig himself/herself into a hole. O'Reilly takes the 80/20 rule of interviewing (the interviewee talks 80% of the time while the interviewer talks 20% of the time) and does a role reversal.

Shame on you Charlie Gibson. Shame on you ABC. Shame on you NBC, MSNBC, CBS, PBS, New York Times, Washington Post...you know what. Shame on every news organization that is not Fox.