Vice-President WHO?!?!?!?

There has been much speculation lately in regards to Barack Obama's potential running mate. Who is going to help him win women? Who is going to help him win blue-collar workers? Who is going to help him look more experienced? TV pundits have been throwing around names like crazy; names like Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, even Al Gore. All great ideas. Each possible VP candidate has something to offer. I can't help but question one thing. Will one person influence the American People as much as the media seems to think he or she will? I do not think so. That is why Barack Obama must share his plans to fill all of the positions in his cabinet. He must show us that he is going to surround himself with people who are going to be able to work together with him and turn this country around. Naturally, he would have to have one hell of a cabinet. So, after much careful thought, here is a short list of people who absolutely must be part of an Obama Administration.

I know that many voters would love to see Vice-President Clinton. But remember, as much as I like and respect Senator Clinton, she is not always the most uniting person. In fact, I'm sure that many people would not vote for an Obama-Clinton ticket. This is when Senator Obama must ask himself who would pull the most voters. Three words; Vice-President Jesus. Think about it. The religious right is a force to be reckoned with in politics. An Obama-Christ ticket would most likely win a vast majority of that group. And what about the Vice-Presidential debate? There is a very good chance that we may see a McCain-Huckabee ticket. How great would that rebuttal be? "Oh, you were a Baptist preacher? That's very noble. I'm the Son of God." Or, better yet, "Governor Huckabee doesn't want equal rights for gays. I actually support equal rights for gays, seeing as how my Father created them." One more thing. Have you seen the crowds that Obama draws? If Jesus were at each of those rallies, there would be plenty of fish and bread to go around.

Think we're off to a great start? Oh, I'm just getting warmed up! As for other key cabinet positions:

Attorney General Thomas Mesereau; Michael Jackson's attorney. He convinced 12 people that Michael Jackson is normal. He can probably do anything.

Secretary of Labor Kate Gosselen; from the show Jon & Kate Plus 8. She had 8 kids in under 5 years, so she knows more about labor than... ...wait, what's that... ...it's not that kind of labor. Oh. Moving On.

Secretary of Transportation Dale Earnhardt Jr. This will definitely assist with the rural and blue collar vote. My father would vote twice! Expect the speed limit to be in the triple digits within the first 100 days.

Secretary of Defense Rambo. Would you mess with us if you knew this guy was in charge ?

Secretary of Agriculture Oliver Douglass; Green Acres. If you remember, he was a lawyer before he was a farmer. He could also step into the Attorney General role when Michael Jackson gets into trouble.

Secretary of State Charlton Heston. He would help with the NRA vote, seeing as how he was the former president of the organization. Conversely, he may lose the damned dirty ape vote, but that group tends to vote Republican anyway (seeing as how Sean Hannity has been their leader since Dr. Zaius died).

Finally, don't think that there isn't a place for Bill Clinton in an Obama administration. I would strongly urge Senator Obama to create a new cabinet position for the former president. What would his new title be? Secretary of Shenanigans Clinton. I'm not quite sure what exactly this position would entail. It would probably include throwing flaming bags of dog poo at Italy's door and filling Australia's pool with Jell-o.

I can say with absolute certainty that, if Senator Obama follows these recommendations, the democrats will take back the White House. I've tried to get him to listen to reason, but he will not return my calls. I'm giving him 48 hours and then I'm calling Ralph Nader. The ball's in your court, Senator.