Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about John McCain, but Were Afraid to Ask

Wow. It's been a while since my last post. Luckily, nothing of any importance happened between August 13th and now. Between a busy work schedule, planning my son's 1st birthday party, having my son's 1st birthday party, a week of vacation, and computer problems, writing has not been my top priority. But now, my vacation is over and I'm using my old desktop until I can fix my laptop. I purchased this computer in 2004 and haven't used it since 2006. I'm pretty sure it is operating on Windows '76...but at least it's operating.

I'm kind of sad that I was not able to write during last week's Democratic Convention. I watched every second that I could and had plenty to say. At first, I took notes so I could write about it when I returned home. Then I realized that, by the time I made it back home, there would not be much of a point in writing anything. I certainly do not want to appear to be behind the times. However, if you'll bear with me for a second, I would like to offer just a brief analysis of the convention: It was good. Moving on.

I am sure that you were all as stunned as I was when I heard John McCain's VP announcement. Incidentally, I heard the announcement while my wife was watching a news program that is in Spanish. I rushed to get one of our Spanish-English dictionaries and discovered that Sarah Palin is not Spanish for Mitt Romney. At any rate, I have spent the last couple days trying to learn about Governor Palin. I am having a difficult time finding out anything other than:

1) She is a self-proclaimed hockey mom and a mother of five
2) She enjoys hunting for moose
3) She looks like a librarian version of Mariska Hargitay
4) Her teenage daughter is 5 months pregnant (not judging...that's just interesting)

In my research, I was able to find something very interesting. Unfortunately, it has absolutely nothing to do with the first-term Governor of Alaska. It is a list of "25 things you do not know about John McCain." Check it out here.

It includes several McCain facts, including:

1) He carries a lucky penny in his pocket
2) He does not e-mail (shocker, isn't it?)
3) He played Scrooge in a staging of A Christmas Carol put on when he was a POW

The list was interesting, but it was not all inclusive. I've spent today in contact with the McCain campaign and with members of John McCain's family. I'm glad to say that I have a list of eight other John McCain facts that were not included on this list. Now, this list is supposed to be "off the record" so, please don't tell anyone.

1) John McCain's favorite Golden Girl was Rose.

2) He is a card-carrying member of the Rick Astley Fan Club.

3) The Senator calls NBC every day and has started a petition to get a Saved by the Bell reunion show on the air; the petition states that he gets to play Mr. Belding's father.

4) He can recite The Vagina Monologues form beginning to end.

5) He has a lucky purple thong that he wears each time one of his bills comes up for a vote.

6) John McCain actually has a full head of hair, but to have a "regular guy" look, he uses Nair for Men on a weekly basis.

7) Senator McCain also uses Nair on his legs on the 1st and 15th of every month and insists that his wife call him John McSmooth.

8) In the late '80's, John McCain attempted to sue McDonald's over the name "Big Mac", claiming that he's had that phrase sewn onto the crotch of his underwear for years.

There you have it, folks. Pretty interesting, isn't it? Now you know everything there is to know about Senator John McCain. Don't you feel special?